I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
