I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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