lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
