Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
