I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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