i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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