HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
