If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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