he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Blood and glitter go together right?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
