So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
