you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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