I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
