If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I think my moral compass just broke
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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