I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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