Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
