wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
