I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
