He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
