exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
