Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
