So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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