his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
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