I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
