Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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