who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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