Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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