Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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