I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
