i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
