he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I have demons in me.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
