he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
