Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
