So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
