We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
