she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
