They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
