when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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