I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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