and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
