if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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