sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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