woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
