last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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