It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize