The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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