we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
