So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Randomize
