Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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