Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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