So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Randomize
