Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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