Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
