Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
