her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
