so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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