dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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