Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
