I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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