ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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